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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27489628">What Does The Fate Holds?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karman_duniya/pseuds/Karman_duniya'>Karman_duniya</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020), Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020) RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Happy Ending, Self Harm, Some Humor, Who Knows?, maybe? - Freeform, more tags will be added as story progresses, past trauma, why not?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:20:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27489628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karman_duniya/pseuds/Karman_duniya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kartik has been subjected to a lot of trauma not only in his childhood but also in the teenage years of his life but he somehow managed to pull his life together when an incident two years ago changes a full of life Kartik to a mere living corpse. The nightmares, a mixture of his past and recent events, are now like a shadow to him that never leaves him. </p>
<p>Aman, a well-known psychologist, who has recently returned from abroad and has now settled in Delhi. From outside no one can even hint the amount of pain this man holds but only he knows what’s on the inside. His job is to help people but whom should he seek comfort from? Would he be able to help Kartik rise from his well of darkness?  What does the fate holds for these two?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello peeps. So this is my attempt at writing a multi-chapter fic. Initially intended to be one-shot but decided against it because why not so it will be a couple of chapters (not sure how many at this point).  </p>
<p>Hope you will enjoy it. </p>
<p>(ps. It will be angsty)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>A knock on the door startled Aman out of his somewhat drowsy state. It took him some time to understand his surroundings and a glance at the clock told him it was nearly 10 pm. A look around the room made him realize that he was still in his clinic. He must have fallen asleep on his desk during his session of reading through the cases which has now become a routine every night – no wonder he is a psychologist.</p><p>‘Come in’.</p><p>A lady in a black pencil skirt and a white button-up top stepped through the door. The tap of her heels on the marble floor echoed through the stillness of the night as she walked inside. This woman who is known by the name of Rajni but for him it's Google, who is his beloved cousin and also happens to be his assistant. She is probably the only one who he can call his ‘real family’. She was there when he needed an escape from the chaos of a ‘once called family’ around him. She was the one who encouraged him to pursue his career aboard and it also served as a way for the escape.</p><p>A place away from everyone, alone for a few years where he could be himself and not the Aman everyone else wanted him to be under constant pressure. And she was also there when he decided to finally make a return from London six months ago. It wouldn’t have been possible without her, today where he is, at least career-wise. This clinic wouldn’t have been possible and he can’t thank her enough for all this.</p><p>He could see her approaching him through his sleep-filled eyes and finally settling on the chair opposite him. And by the look on her face, Aman already knows what’s coming.</p><p>‘For goodness sake Aman, look at you. You look more dead than a dead body itself. I know you have taken it upon you to help every single depressed person in this world but please take some time out for yourself as well. And if you don’t already know, a human body needs rest.’</p><p>‘Google you know how busy the clinic is now-a-days and I have a hell lot of patients to see tomorrow and for that I need to go over their case histories.’</p><p>The only answer he received was an eye roll from Google.</p><p>‘Half an hour more Aman. I need you to finish this up in half an hour and I don’t want to hear a single word.’</p><p>Before Aman could argue back, Google had already stood up, turned away and walked out and after this Aman is not left with any other option than to agree.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>In a house, somewhere in Delhi</em>
</p><p> </p><p>A man is laid on bed with sweaty palms, tossing his head on the pillow in a state of restlessness. A sheen layer of sweat is evident on his forehead and the sheets have been pooled around his legs due to constant kicking and turning. In a sudden movement, the man jolts awake from his sleep gasping for air and at the same time holding on to the edge of the bed so hard that his knuckles turn white. This is what most of his nights look like. He can feel his heart racing and hands shivering.</p><p>The sudden presence of a pair of arms around him from the back makes him jump for a second before releasing the familiar warmth of the touch, giving in the embrace.</p><p>‘Its ok Kartik. Its me Devika. Calm down. Take deep breaths. Yes, like that, in and out.’</p><p>And just like that following Devika’s prompts, Kartik calms down a little. Once his breathing returns to normal, Devika turns to pick a glass of water from the side-table.</p><p>‘Here drink some water’.</p><p>Kartik quickly gulps down the whole glass in one go. His throat was dry and hoarse, and he felt like he hasn’t had a drink in ages.</p><p>‘Same nightmares again?’, Devika asked and she got her answer in the form of a weak nod from the other person.</p><p>Devika already knew it was the same case today but asked anyway just to confirm. She knows Kartik since childhood and is well aware of his nightmares. Before his nightmares were due to the trauma his father had put him through in the early years of his life. Kartik somehow got over them over the years but these ones are much more intensified because now they also involve the flashbacks of that one unfortunate and horrendous night two years ago. And for the past couple of days, it has been even worse. So, she was staying over with Kartik, making sure he takes his pills on time even though they don’t seem to be working anymore.</p><p>‘I am really sorry Devi. I woke you up. You don’t have to go through all this trouble. I am fine. You can go back-’ and before he could continue Devika already had her hand pressed firmly against his mouth to shut him up.</p><p>‘HOW DARE YOU KARTIK SINGH? Are you crazy? You seriously think this is trouble for me?’. Tears were already threatening to well up in her deep eyes and she couldn’t dare say another word as she knew her words would rather come out like a broken melody. Kartik’s state was like a slow poison to her already, killing her from the inside. No, she can’t let her emotions out, not now. She has to stay strong, for Kartik’s sake.</p><p>She gently placed her hands on either side of Kartik’s face, slowly turning his face in her direction, forcing him to look at her.</p><p>‘Look at me Kartik, please.’</p><p>The redness of his eyes was apparent even in the dim yellow light of the lamp beside the bed. It was projecting a warm glow on his face which was clearly an oxymoron to the state he was in.</p><p>‘There is no one more special to me in this world than you and you know this. I will always be there for you Kartik, always. And don’t you dare forget that’.</p><p>Of course, he knew that. She is all that he has got. A child who had been deprived of love and care all his childhood, it was hard to digest the amount of care Devi showered him with at first. It took him time to understand this emotion called ‘love’ and equally how to give it back. It took him time to open up, to share his past and to let his inner demons out which he could only do infront of Devi and no one else. She was the only one who didn’t give a fuck about his sexuality when he told her. Actually, it was quite opposite to what he had expected.</p><p>Of course, the people he had dared to tell in the past had either beaten him up or simply abandoned him so it was a natural instinct to expect the same this time as well. But no, for the first time, he wasn’t looked at with disgust and the only emotion reflected back was love. Soon she became someone he could call family.</p><p>‘Kartik, you are listening right?’</p><p>‘Yes’. It was barely audible.</p><p>She criss-crossed her legs and motioned Kartik to place his head in her lap which Kartik obeyed like a little child and soon he was curled up in his fetus position with his head placed in Devi’s lap. Her hand automatically reached in his hair, stroking them gently as she knows this action soothes him.</p><p>‘Kartik, if I ask you something, would you say yes? And please listen to the whole thing before saying anything, ok?’</p><p>‘Hmm’</p><p>‘Ravi told me about a really good friend of his who has recently returned from abroad and he also happens to be a really good psychologist. Also, he is based in Delhi so we won’t have to even travel. Please Kartik, agree, just this once’.</p><p>She waited for a reply but the only thing that could be heard was the humming of the aircon. For a moment she thought he had fallen asleep. But then a reply came. Not the one she was hoping for but the one that she had grown familiar with in the past 2 years.</p><p>‘It was my fault Devi. I deserve this’.</p><p>And she knew after this there was no point talking so she continued stroking his hair until sleep overtook him once again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok so if you have made it this far then thank you for reading. I can't promise regular updates cause shit happens in real life but I will try my best. Also, I wasn't too sure about the plot so let me know if it is worth continuing. </p>
<p>Kudos and comments are appreciated.</p>
<p>(Come shout at me @jeetushman_bhava on insta if u want)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I quickly glanced through it once so apologies for any spelling/grammar mistakes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>Beep Beep Beep </em>
</p><p>Once again Aman’s hand reached out in the periphery trying to locate the alarm clock sitting on the bedside table which he had been snoozing for the past 10 mins. But this time he actually managed to stop it for once and for all. Last night’s sleep wasn’t the best and getting out of bed seemed like a huge struggle at this point.</p><p>He managed to groggily open his eyes against his will and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes in order to clear his vision. He stretched his body as if enacting a cat and a wave of pleasure ran through him from head to toe. He shifted to turn to his other side and was immediately hit by the streams of sunlight which were making their way through the slits between the curtains. This made him squint his eyes shut.</p><p>The sunlight was soft, hinting that it was an early morning hour and a peek at the wall clock confirmed that it was sharp 7am. His body demanded more sleep, but his mind told him the opposite that he had to be at the clinic in an hour. So finally, after going back and forth between the possibility of dozing off for another few minutes, he pushed the thought away and made his way towards the bathroom with heavy steps.</p><p>Exactly 15 mins later, Aman emerged through the bathroom door with a towel draped around his waist. A few stray strands of his dark damp hair were beautifully fallen across his forehead and some waterdrops were still clinging to his body traveling in a constant downward motion. Thankfully he has the habit of deciding his clothes for the day the night before no matter how tired he is and in turn, it saves him from the hassle in the morning which most of the time looks like a chaos anyway.</p><p>He pulled the clothes out of the wardrobe, dressed up, made his hair, not forgetting to put on his watch this time and made his way out of the room.</p><p>The divine smell of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling eggs was wafting in the air. He could see Google in the kitchen with her back towards Aman struggling with god knows what. Beside her two cups of steaming hot coffee and two plates with fried eggs were placed on the kitchen counter.</p><p>‘God bless this woman. Don’t know how I will manage without her’, Aman whispered to himself.</p><p>Walking closer to the kitchen made the scene a little more clearer and Aman couldn’t do without letting out a giggle. How couldn’t he forget, Google and toaster - not very good friends from the start. Yes and this time again, she was battling to get the stuck toast out.</p><p>‘Need a hand’</p><p>‘Oh, Aman. Morning. How long have you been watching me burn in my misery?’, she asked with her hands placed dramatically on either side of her waist.</p><p>‘Not for very long’ and this came with another snigger from Aman’s side.</p><p>‘And when are you planning to replace this damn toaster, may I ask?’</p><p>‘Soon but I will miss my regular dose of morning entertainment’, he managed to blurt out through the fits of giggles which soon he realized wasn’t a very wise thing to say as in return he was met with Google’s death glare.</p><p>This time he can’t blame it all on Google. The toaster was infact fairly old and needed to be changed but he wasn’t simply getting any time to go shop for one. So, he made a mental note to solve this problem on an urgent basis.</p><p>Finally, the toasts were on the plates along with eggs and plates on the table with coffee cups next to them. This is their usual routine, talking over breakfast, sometimes about the clinic and sometimes just some random stuff in general. Today was the same but the talk was rather quick as they were already running short on time and Aman already knew that today is gonna be hella busy.</p><p>Yes, being a psychologist is not an easy job but he has chosen it for himself. The whole day you are dealing with people who have been through trauma of different extent and every case is unique in its own way. Sometimes one technique will show improvement for one patient but the same might deteriorate the other’s condition even more, it’s a tricky business.</p><p>Of course he can prescribe all sorts of depression and anxiety pills but it’s not a long-term solution.  You need to spend time with your patients, listen to them patiently, really understand what they have been through, put yourself in their shoes, show empathy and only then you will be able to take them forward. And that’s his motto.</p><p>Yes, sometimes it starts to take a toll on your own mental health but you need to keep reminding yourself to be mentally strong and keep your patients first. And that’s what you are trained for years after all.</p><p>‘Aman finish quick. You already know how horrible the morning traffic is’.</p><p>Aman quickly stuffed the last bite of toast in his mouth and gulped down the remains of his coffee, making an effort not to choke. After putting away the dishes in the sink (because neither he has the time nor he can be bothered to wash them now) and grabbing both the house and car keys, they made a dash out of the main door.</p><p> </p><p>------</p><p> </p><p>Devika gently pushed open the bedroom door using the side of her hip while carefully balancing a tray in one hand and holding a full glass of chocolate milk in the other – this is Kartik’s comfort zone. She settled on the side of the bed where Kartik was blissfully sleeping and placed the tray at the foot of the bed.</p><p>‘Kartik, wake up, it's morning. Look I made your favorite pancakes with maple syrup and strawberries.’, she said softly as not to startle Kartik out of his sleep. Kartik is not a deep sleeper and nowadays even little sounds can make his heart racing in sleep.</p><p>‘Morning and thank you Devi. Why didn’t you wake me up? I could have helped you out.’</p><p>She could sense the melancholy in his voice. It wasn’t just the same Kartik she used to know.</p><p>‘Kartik plz, you and kitchen. Don’t get me started. I don’t want this place to burn down’, she said in an exaggerated manner to cheer him up a little. It did manage to bring a small yet noticeable smile on Kartik’s face.</p><p>‘Ok enough talking. Go and quickly freshen up. I am waiting here. And I won’t be leaving until you finish everything up. Also, your morning meds-’</p><p>‘Devi I am not a kid. I will manage.’</p><p>‘Yes, you are. Now go’</p><p> </p><p>Kartik hadn’t been eating properly lately so even though it being his favorite item for breakfast, she had to force him to finish it. She tried to convince Kartik for a session of Netflix binging but he wanted to lay in bed for a little longer, so she let it be. Right now, she was whirling around the living room like a windmill, in an attempt to tidy up the area a little when she heard the doorbell.</p><p>‘Must be Ravi’, she thought.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They were now seated on the couch in the living room with the freshly made cup of coffee in their hands. She had checked in on Kartik in between before settling down for a conversation with Ravi.</p><p>‘So, how’s Kartik been?’</p><p>‘Hmm. He had an episode last night. But he looks a bit better now.’</p><p>The occurrence of these episodes has been just on an increase lately which is not a good sign. She has tried to talk with Kartik regarding the therapy sessions but he is just not ready. At least not after the past experience with the therapist which has kind of made him phobic.</p><p> She can’t just let it be.</p><p>She has to do something.</p><p>Anything.</p><p>Kartik is just in denial and getting him to agree for giving it another shot is nearly an impossible task. Even if she somehow takes him to a therapist, he won’t simply be able to open up in a clinic setting. It would just overwhelm him and would make him crawl back into his shell.  So that option is clearly out of the window. </p><p>Something else. She needs to think of some other means. Her mind was spiraling through all sorts of possibilities when a thought suddenly struck her. If not in clinic then maybe at home.</p><p>‘Ravi. Remember that therapist friend of yours you told me about. What was his name?...’</p><p>‘Aman’</p><p>‘Yes, him. I was just thinking if you could invite him over for dinner on the weekend.’</p><p>‘Ok…but I am confused. How is that going to help?’</p><p>‘Ravi we are both aware of the fact that Kartik is not going to agree to a therapist visit again and I don’t want to force him. So, if Aman could get to talk to Kartik not as a therapist but as a friend…Surely he would know how to handle it.’</p><p>‘Hmm. I think we can make it work. I will give him a call in the evening.’</p><p>‘One more thing. Please ask him not to disclose his profession infront of Kartik. I don’t want to scare him off.’, and Ravi assured her with a nod.</p><p> </p><p>‘I hope Kartik can get back to being himself again. It hurts to see him like this.’, she said with a sigh and rest her head on Ravi’s shoulder to which Ravi reciprocated by engulfing her in a comforting side-hug.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, kudos, comments and feedback are all welcomed.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry i know the update is a little late but anyway i hope u enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aman proceeded towards the couch, dragging his feet along the carpeted floor, friction causing his gait to be slow and unsteady. As the couch came within reach, he simply threw his limp self on it. At that moment, even this worn out piece of furniture felt like bliss when his feet refused to bear his weight for even a second more. He was exhausted to his bone and even he didn’t know how he managed to drive all the way from clinic to home.</p>
<p>Wasting no time, he kicked off his shoes, not caring where they land, giving his feet a much needed release and propped them up on the couch while his head was already resting against the arm-rest. Long days like these always end up with him totally spent and with a shitty migraine banging at the inside of his head.</p>
<p>He was constantly running the tips of his fingers along his temples in circular motion in a vain attempt to ease the pain. Google had given him two Panadol tablets but as with any medication, they would require sometime to kick off their action. She was determined to stay with Aman and also offered a head massage but he can’t be that selfish.</p>
<p>Google must be as tired as him if not more and her disheveled hair and redness of her eyes was a clear indication. She was on her feet the whole day and the only time she got to sit was at lunch. So, he assured her that he would be feeling better in a while and after some insisting and nods, he was successful in sending her off to bed.</p>
<p>Thank god it was weekend tomorrow because clearly, he was in no state to conduct early morning sessions if it had been a weekday. Not that his weekends are very colourful anyways and are mostly spent either reviewing some cases and making plans or reading some book that he started ages ago and has to shuffle through his memory to remember its plot every time he picks it up. But at least he can sleep in for a little longer and give his body a much-needed rest which is a bonus in itself.</p>
<p>The vibration from his phone broke his state of drowsiness and he fumbled his hands through the pockets of his coat first and then pants, trying to get hold of the damn thing. Finally, pulling the phone out of his side pocket, he tried to focus his vision on the bright screen through his half-hooded eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>3 missed calls and 2 messages, all from the same number caught his eye among a couple of other notifications. They were about 2 hours ago except for the messages which have only arrived 2 mins ago. Shit. He had forgotten to turn off the silent mode after the session, again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He clicked on the notification to open up the messages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>‘Hey. Tried calling u earlier but u must have been still busy in clinic. Give a call back whenever free.’</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Ravi :)’</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He dialled the number and waited for the call to be picked up on the other side. After three rings, the call was answered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Hey Aman’</p>
<p>‘Hey Ravi. Sorry yaar couldn’t get back to you earlier’</p>
<p>‘Na it’s fine. I figured out you must still be at clinic. You sound pretty tired’</p>
<p>‘Yeh it was quite hectic today. Thank god, it’s weekend tomorrow.’</p>
<p>‘And that’s why I called. Why don’t you come over for dinner tomorrow? We have only met twice since you came back and even then, you were in a hurry, Mr. Aman Busy Tripathi.</p>
<p>‘Ravi…I umm…’</p>
<p>‘I will take it as a yes. And I am gonna text you the address’</p>
<p>‘Ok. Fine’</p>
<p>‘Also, me and Devika actually needed to talk to you about something but we can do that when we meet tomorrow’</p>
<p>‘Yeh sure’</p>
<p>‘I will let you rest for now. See ya’</p>
<p>‘Bye’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Aman hung up the call.</p>
<p>‘What do they want to talk to me about?’, he thought. It bugged him a bit but he didn’t have any energy left to indulge in a long conversation, so he didn’t press on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeh its true the last time they met, he had to leave in between. And the one before that wasn’t very chill as well. So, this time, he would have felt guilty saying no and Ravi is probably the only close friend Aman has in Delhi. Google would actually be happy hearing that he is finally going to interact with humans outside of his clinic. To be honest, Aman doesn’t have a very outgoing personality and in simple words it could be called ‘boring’.</p>
<p>There do come some Friday nights here and there where Google is successful in dragging Aman to the bar along with her in hope that he might find a <em>company</em>. She even once tried to set up a date with a random guy at the club which obviously didn’t go as planned. According to Aman, he doesn’t want to rush into anything and when the time is right, it will just happen. He just knows.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He really wanted to doze off right there at the sofa despite the surface of it being scratchy but the thought of waking up with a stiff neck made him get up and go to his bedroom. Even though the distance was only a few feet but at that moment it felt like miles away.</p>
<p>Sleep took over him as soon as his head hit the pillow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>..Next Evening..</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Aman was going through the bunch of his clothes hanging in the wardrobe, rejecting most of them. He was just frustrated at this point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Aman, what’s all the fuss about? Just wear something. Its not as if you are going on a date, duh.’, Google yelled from the living room, rolling her eyes. She was busy munching up the popcorns while scrolling through Netfilx, trying to put on something worth watching.</p>
<p>‘There is something called looking presentable. And is it absolutely necessary to taunt me whenever you find the chance?’</p>
<p>‘YES. Just listen to me. Wear black. It looks good on you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t have more time to waste so guess he would have to go with it. He pulled out a plain black button up shirt and a pair of black formal pants and rushed to get a shower.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘See told you. You look good in black’, Google said grinning.</p>
<p>‘Yeh whatever. Listen I am taking the keys and locking the door so if I get late, just go to sleep’.</p>
<p>‘Yeh ok. Go now and drive safe’</p>
<p>‘Ok bye’ and with that Aman dashed out of the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Evening traffic especially on weekends is always the worst and thus it took him more time than anticipated to reach. And even more time was wasted trying to locate the right apartment number only to realize later that he was on the wrong level.</p>
<p>Finally, after all the hassle, he was standing at the right door. All the run around had formed small beads of sweat on his forehead which he dabbed away with the tissue. He had rung the bell once and his arm was mid-way in the air to ring it a second time when Ravi opened up the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘HEY AMAN’, Ravi exclaimed and pulled Aman into a tight hug. ‘Finally, you got time for your friend huh’</p>
<p>‘Hey, it’s nothing like that. You know how busy it’s been’.</p>
<p>‘Yeh yeh. You don’t have to clarify. Come in.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sat down on the white leather couch in the middle of the living area. Aman gave the area a look around. It had a warm and cozy vibe.</p>
<p>‘So, who’s place is this? Did you change the apartment again?’, Aman asked curiously.</p>
<p>‘No no. This is our friend’s place. Actually, not a friend, he is family. And here he comes’.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kartik stepped out from his bedroom, unaware of the presence of a third person other than Ravi and Devika in the living room. Confusion flickered across his face for a moment before he remembered Devi telling him yesterday about some friend of Ravi coming over. He had no interest in meeting new people but the hope that was reflected in Devika’s eyes made him reconsider and thus he gave in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aman diverted his eyes from Ravi to the man standing across the room at the mention and their eyes met for a second before Kartik looked away. For some reason, something about those eyes made Aman longing to hold that gaze for a tad bit longer. Even at distance, Aman could tell he had sharp attractive features. But before he could get his attention again with something as simple as ‘hi’, Devika called from the kitchen.</p>
<p>‘Kartik could you plz come here for a sec. Need a bit of help’, and Kartik walked away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aman’s eyes followed him, boring into his back till his figure disappeared through the kitchen door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Kartik..’, Aman whispered to himself with a small smile, letting the feel of that name roll out from his tongue. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please leave kudos and comments. Also feedback is appreciated.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi. So finally the update is here. I quickly glanced over it so apologies for any mistakes. </p>
<p>Enjoy! </p>
<p>*Warning: Some mention of self-harm*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The conversation had taken all sorts of turns, jumping from Aman’s daily routine to how he is settling in Delhi to some other random stuff before finally settling on Ravi complaining about his monotonous 9am to 5pm corporate job. Aman was tuning in and out of the conversation because clearly his attention was caught by something (rather someone) earlier. Aman’s eyes kept darting back towards the kitchen door every few seconds hoping to catch a tiny glimpse of the man again. It had been a couple of minutes since he had disappeared through door and an unknown constant urge of seeing that face again was making Aman impatient.</p>
<p>Finally, which felt like ages, Kartik emerged through the door followed by Devika holding food platters in both hands. They placed them on the dining table, making space between the already placed items crowding the table. Kartik turned around to leave but before he could step further, Devika held his arm to hold him in his tracks. She knew where he was headed to – his bedroom where he has been spending most of his past days, isolated and alone.</p>
<p>‘I’m not really hungry Devi’, Kartik said.</p>
<p>It wasn’t completely a lie. His hunger has suppressed now-a-days but the bigger reason was his lack of interest in interacting with people. This wasn’t the case two years back. Kartik then was always booming with energy, goofy and cheerful, trying to spark a conversation even with a stranger sitting next to him in the bus or train compartment.</p>
<p>The current Kartik was dull as the colour has been sucked out of him. The current Kartik, distanced himself from the outside world, mostly lost in his own bubble during the day and trapped amidst nightmares during the night. These two Katriks were as different as can be, almost like two separate people.</p>
<p>‘Not today Kartik. Please try, for my sake. Please stay.’, she said with pleading eyes and gave Kartik’s arm a little squeeze. There was love, concern and most of all hope in those said words.</p>
<p>He opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t find it in his willpower to turn it down this time. When the words failed to form, he just hung his head low and let out a deep breath.</p>
<p>‘Thank you’, she said with happiness beaming off her face as if she had received the best gift ever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the other side of the room, the conversation between the two men had come to a halt when Ravi had to excuse himself to take a call and now Aman can fully focus. He had his eyes glued on Kartik from the moment he had come in sight. Apart from getting mesmerized by the beauty of this man, he was also observing the conversation happing between the two and even though at this distance he couldn’t really hear the exact words but the sense of tension in the movements was clear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Looks like the dinner is all set’, Ravi said walking back in from the balcony. Both of them walked over and took their seats on the table. Devika prompted Kartik and he sat on the only vacant seat, opposite Aman. Up close, he was even more breathtaking. Aman’s eyes roamed all over him.</p>
<p>From his dense jet black hair to his bushy eyebrows to his lips which appeared a bit dry yet so soft and pink and not to mention the perfect jawline. And that nose ring and the tattoo on the side of his neck was just something else. Aman had to keep looking back during the whole dinner as he just couldn’t get enough of him.</p>
<p>But because more than half of his day goes in observing people, their movements and behaviours, he could tell something was off. His movements were fiddly, and more food was being pushed around the plate than entering his mouth. The nail of his index finger was constantly pressing in the pad of his left thumb, a sign of anxiety. And not once he took any interest in the conversation happening at the table as if he wasn’t present there at all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I am done. Need some fresh air’, Kartik said standing up and walked away towards the balcony.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘He wasn’t like this before’, Devika said with a sigh.</p>
<p>‘Actually, Aman this is what me and Devika wanted to talk to you about’</p>
<p>‘Yeh, I can tell something is not right’</p>
<p>‘He is just punishing himself for something he didn’t had control over. He holds himself responsible till this day. Don’t know the last time he slept soundly and nightmares are the worst. He is simply not able to let go.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aman didn’t ask what the reason for the guilt was. He wanted to learn from Kartik himself. It’s his choice what he wants to share from his past. It’s important to know what’s in his mind and his emotions associated with those memories.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I tried convincing him for a consultation, but he simply wasn’t ready. So, we thought maybe you can help..’, Devika said. Aman could sense the pleading in her voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I will be more than happy to’</p>
<p>‘Thank you. It truly means a lot. I just want him to be himself again’</p>
<p>‘Please, don’t say thank you’</p>
<p>‘Just a request. If you could not disclose about your profession to Kartik just yet. He hasn’t had very pleasant experiences in the past’</p>
<p>‘Don’t worry. I can understand’, Aman said with an assuring smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aman walked out into the balcony. He could see Kartik’s figure silhouetted against the moonlight, a lit cigarette held between his fingers. His gaze was fixated at the distant lights. There was no denying that the view from up here was beautiful, shimmering city lights spread across with light wind adding its own charm. It was a little chilly indicating the winter was just around the corner.</p>
<p>Aman proceeded to stand next to Kartik. It wasn’t the view that had Kartik’s attention but he rather seemed lost somewhere else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Hi. Kartik, right? I am Aman’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Hi’, he said taking in another puff, still looking straight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> The dim light mixed with the glow from the cigarette casted a shadow of his long, luscious lashes on his cheeks. Aman wasn’t sure if he had seen anyone more beautiful than this. Sure, Google had tried to hook him with some guys at the club but he never felt anything towards them. But it was different here. There was an attraction pulling him and he was letting himself being pulled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’, Aman said waving towards the city lights.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Hmm’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aman wanted to kick start a light talk. You need to let the conversation roll out at its own pace. One thing he has learnt is not to push as it can close off the other person before it even starts. So, he let the silence linger on for a few minutes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘How long have you been smoking’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Aman didn’t receive a response for a few seconds, he thought maybe it was too early for a personal question. Maybe he crossed some barrier unknowingly. But sometimes you have to, to elicit a response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘2 years’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His nose ring glinted every time he brought the cigarette close to his face to take a puff. Aman was about to ask something random when Kartik broke the silence this time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘It helps me with my troubles. The only time when my mind is able to relax a bit’.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeh he has seen it all. People turning towards smoking, injecting drugs and alcohol abuse to suppress the emotional pain but only till the effect lasts. So, they do it over and over to escape from the misery, trapping themselves in this vicious cycle of addiction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You can share if you want. That might help you relax as well’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This triggered a hollow laugh from the other man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I barely know you’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘You don’t <em>have to</em> know to share. Sometimes saying it to a stranger feels better than saying it to a person whom you have known for years. Trust me, letting it out helps.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Aman’s eyes fell upon the scars on the inside of his left arm. He has seen far too many of those in his career to not recognize them in an instance. Ones associated with suicidal attempts are deep, targeting the major vessels on the inside of the wrist with an intention to end the life. The other ones from self-harm are shallow just like the ones in front of him.</p>
<p>He has seen many patients with attempted self-harm and each one of them have their own story but when asked ‘why self-harm?’, there is one common answer he receives that is along the lines of ‘because this pain distracts me from those memories for some time’. They turn towards physical pain as a way to escape from the emotional pain.</p>
<p>Kartik must have sensed Aman’s gaze towards his arm as he quickly rolled down his sleeves, covering up the prints of his emotional state with a mere piece of clothing. But Aman knows it runs deeper than just this.</p>
<p>Kartik turned his head to look at Aman. This is the first time their eyes had truly met ignoring that 1 second eye lock earlier. He had beautiful deep-set eyes, black just like the night sky above them but it seemed like they had lost their twinkle. They looked weary and tired but they still held the magic of captivating the other person. Aman could feel him staring right through his soul. There wasn’t anything intimate about that look. It was just hollow with no emotion reflecting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Would you say the same if you are responsible for someone’s death?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence fell upon both sides. For next few seconds none of them spoke a word and the only sound that could be heard was either of the traffic far below or the wind that was blowing against their faces.</p>
<p>Aman waited. He will wait till Kartik will have courage to share more. He wanted him to speak, to see the extent he will go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Please leave’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And with those two words, Kartik looked away back to gazing at the far city lights. He dropped the remaining cigarette bud, smashing it with the heel of his shoe. The next one was already placed between his lips ready to be lit. Aman wondered how many does he smoke in one go.</p>
<p>Aman wanted to say and hear so much more but leaving at this point seemed a sensible move. It’s hard to open up to close people let alone to someone you are meeting the first time. Trust takes time to build and he was ready to put in that time.</p>
<p>Aman took out a piece of paper and a pen from the inside pocket of his blazer and scribbled down something.</p>
<p>‘I am leaving my number. Maybe we can make a longer conversation next time, hopefully’, he said placing the piece of paper on the glass table behind and weighing it down with the ash tray.</p>
<p>He waited for a sign, maybe a head turn or a small nod but nothing so he walked back in, leaving Kartik to himself, drowned in thoughts, once again.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always kudos, comments and feedback are all appreciated :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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